


Random & Short Tropes

by Julesmonster



Category: Glee, Marvel Cinematic Universe, NCIS, Numb3rs (TV), Psych, Stargate Atlantis, Stargate SG-1
Genre: M/M, Random & Short, Self Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2019-07-27 22:15:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16228379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Julesmonster/pseuds/Julesmonster
Summary: So, I’ve been seriously blocked for a VERY long time. As a result, I’ve decided to begin challenging myself. Using a random generator to select odd pairings and match them with a fanfiction trope, I will write between 1,000 and 5,000 words per story. Each story/chapter is independent and unconnected to the other stories/chapters. I will begin each chapter by telling you the random pairing and trope, as well as any warnings. These awill be mostly written in one or two sittings, and I likely won’t spend a lot of time checking them for errors, so be warned.So, if you are interested, here we go.





	1. Story #1: Tony DiNozzo/Kurt Hummel (NCIS/Glee) Secret Romance

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter/Story #1: Tony DiNozzo/Kurt Hummel (NCIS/Glee) Secret Romance

Director Leon Vance stared at his boss with a blank face. He couldn’t quite reconcile what the man had just described with the picture that Vance had of the agent in question. Tony DiNozzo was a jock, a playboy, a goofy, overgrown frat-boy who had too many years on the job for him to fire, but nothing to recommend him for a promotion. But now, the SecNavwas telling a different tale, and Vance was hearing of an entirely different person. The man the SecNav described was an excellent undercover agent, so good that he’d gotten multiple job offers from every other federal agency over the years. He had been requested to teach undercover operations at FLETC, Langley and Quantico. He had doctorates in Forensic Psychology and Musicology. And according to the SecNav, the MCRT’s 97% solve rate, the highest of any team in any federal agency, had only come about after DiNozzo had been hired, and hadn’t dropped at all while Gibbs was on his temporary retirement.

In truth, now that Vance thought of it, the solve rate had dropped drastically when DiNozzo was Agent Afloat, but he had chalked that up to the fact that Gibbs was dealing with three new agents and had expected it to improve eventually if he hadn’t reformed the MCRT once the mole was discovered. The fact that Gibbs hadn’t actually found the right mole...now, Vance wondered if he should have had DiNozzo in charge of the hunt.

“What exactly are we looking to accomplish?” Vance finally asked. He was a little tired of hearing how great DiNozzo was, especially given how completely wrong he had apparently been about the man.

“Well, first of all, we want to keep him at NCIS,” Secretary Jarvis said.

“He’s never showed any signs of wanting to leave Gibbs’ team in the past,” Vance pointed out.

Jarvis huffed. “In the past, he felt like he was at least respected for the work he did. My sources say that’s not true these days. They tell me that Gibbs never quite remembered the respect he used to have for his SFA. They tell me that the team disregard chain of command and disrespect him on a regular basis. They tell me that he was used and abused by your predecessor and that you have publicly discounted his contributions. Not sure why he’s stayed around this long, but rumor has it that he’s actually begun entertaining the offers for non-field positions and teaching positions. Tom Morrow told me he had dinner with DiNozzo just yesterday.”

Vance weighed his next words carefully, but still stuck his foot in it. “Maybe I’m missing something, but would losing him be that big of a deal?”

Jarvis scowled and Vance knew he was on thin ice. “The man literally wrote the the book on undercover work. It’s the primary textbook for undercover training at FLETC, Langley and Quantico, not to mention in military intelligence. His doctoral thesis on interrogation is studied in universities and police academies all over the world. The man should have been well on his way to taking your job, and if Tom Morrow had still been in your chair, he would have been Assistant Director five years ago. But you and Shepard both had your own agendas, and DiNozzo was loyal to Gibbs. But we are not going to be the laughing stock of DC because we lost the best young mind in the business. Fix this Leon, or I’ll put someone in your chair who can see past their own prejudices.”

Vance gritted his teeth and nodded. “Of course.”

Jarvis stood up and headed for the door. Before leaving he turned back. “You know, Leon, DiNozzo has written quite a few articles on management in law enforcement. You might think of reading a few of them. One in particular discusses how team leaders have a responsibility to encourage the strengths of their team. He uses his team as an example. I’ll email it to you.”

Vance sat back in his chair once Jarvis had gone and sighed. He wasn’t sure how he had missed so much, but it was apparent that he’d missed something significant with DiNozzo. He pressed the intercom on his phone and said, “Jessica, can you get me the complete file on DiNozzo? And the files of the rest of the MCRT, too?”

“Right away, Director.”

^^^^^

Tony DiNozzo wasn’t sure why the Director wanted to meet with him, but he knew it couldn’t be good. Vance had never liked him. He wasn’t sure who had pissed Vance off in the past, but there had to be someone for there to be such instant dislike on Vance’s part.

“Agent DiNozzo, thank you for meeting with me,” Vance said when Tony entered the office.

“Of course,” Tony said, his tone and demeanor completely neutral. He wasn’t going to give anything away unintentionally. “How can I help you?”

Vance paused and then sighed. “Actually, I want to apologize to you. It was recently pointed out to me that I don’t know anything about you. Jenny left a file on all of the current agents in DC when she passed away. I used those files to base opinions, never taking the time to read your full file.”

“And based on Jenny’s opinion and what you could observe, you made a judgment,” Tony said with a nod.

“It was irresponsible of me,” Vance said. “And unfair. I bought into a role you played for the good of your teammates without ever taking the time to get to know you. And I am sorry.”

“Apology accepted,” Tony said graciously. “This is because you’ve heard I’ve been talking to other agencies.”

“That was the catalyst,” Vance agreed. “But the apology is genuine.”

Tony nodded again. “No, I don’t doubt that. I just wondered.”

“Well, I really hope that what I’m about to offer isn’t too little too late,” Vance admitted. “The truth is, if Tom Morrow had stayed, you would have been moved up through the ranks. Also, you did serve six month as team lead for theSo, while it may seem like a jump, I think it’s justified.”

Tony allowed his amusement to show. “You haven’t said what it is you are offering.”

Vance huffed an embarrassed laugh. “Right. First of all, after reviewing your evaluations for the past several years, I noted that based on your performance, you should have received performance based increases that were overlooked. Your salary also should not have been reduced when Gibbs returned from his retirement. As a result, the agency owes you a rather substantial back pay that you should see in your next paycheck.

“Going forward, I’d like to offer you the position of Agent in Charge of Operations in with responsibility for the DC office and the Central Atlantic Coastal Region. In six months, I expect that you will take Johnson’s place as Assistant Director of Operations for the Americas. If that position doesn’t appeal, at the very least, I think you need to be leading your own team. Ultimately, I will let you decide what is best for you, but in the interest of being transparent, I think we should discuss the details of the two offers.”

Tony’s eyes were wide as he listened to Vance continue to describe the two promotions on the table. The fact that Vance had not only done a complete about face but was now offering Tony exactly what he wanted seemed impossible, but it was in writing on the table between them.

In the end, Tony took the Agent in Charge position.

“Can I ask why?” Vance asked as Tony was signing the new contract.

Tony looked up at his boss and smirked. “My fiancé’s father is more than likely going to become the next president. In the next few months, as the campaign gets more intense, any privacy he and I have right now will be a distant memory. Not only will undercover work be impossible, but just going into the field would be difficult. Kurt has always been supportive of my choice to keep our private life a secret so that I could do my job without worrying about homophobia, despite the fact that he is a prominent figure in LGBT rights. Now it’s my turn to make a sacrifice for our family.”

Vance frowned, piecing the clues together. “You’re engaged to Kurt Hummel? Activist son of Senator Burt Hummel?”

Tony grinned. “That’s him.”

While Vance was still trying to process that, Tony passed the contract back to Vance and headed to the door.

Vance shook himself out of his shock. “As long as your team doesn’t have a case, I’ll make the public announcement this afternoon. If you want to warn anyone that it’s coming, I suggest you do so quickly and quietly.”

“Yes, sir,” Tony said and with a jaunty salute, he was gone.

^^^^^

As it turned out, they did catch a case, so the announcement wasn’t made for almost a week, which just so happened to coincide with a pre-recorded interview that was being aired on ZNN. Tony was up in Vance’s office again and Gibbs was running an op in MTAC. The two junior agents were supposed to be working on cold cases.

“Is that Tony on the television?” Ziva asked. “McGee, turn up the volume.”

McGee did as asked and was surprised to see Tony on the news channel sitting on a sofa with a younger man. They were actually holding hands. Charlene Dixon, one of the network’s top personalities was asking the questions.

“So, Kurt, how did you two meet?”

“Well, Tony was working on his second doctorate while I was working on my first and only,” the young man laughed, his voice light and airy and filled with love. “We had most of our classes together, but at first we didn’t talk much.”

“I was sure that I was much too old for Kurt,” Tony admitted. “I didn’t realize at the time that he seems younger than he is. Plus, as I got to know him, I realized that he was mature beyond his years.”

“We’re only ten years apart in age,” Kurt huffed. “And I was twenty four when we met, more than old enough to make up my mind about who I want to be with.”

Tony snorted. “Didn’t make meeting your dad any easier.”

“How did Senator Hummel react?” Charlene asked.

“Senator Hummel?” Ziva asked. “Isn’t he the politician that everyone predicts will win the next presidential election?”

“He is,” Tim agreed before the two of them were shushed by the other agents who had gathered around them.

“Dad is a big softy at heart,” Kurt was saying.

“But he can still be very intimidating,” Tony admitted. “Luckily, I spent eight years working for a marine who is even more intimidating. I’ve gotten used to standing my ground, and I think Burt really respects that.”

“Dad definitely respects you,” Kurt told him before turning back to Charlene. “And Tony’s boss is way more intimidating than my dad. In fact, Dad remembered Tony almost immediately as a former Buckeye. You should see the two of them talking about Ohio State University sports. I’m lucky to get either of them to listen to a word I say when there’s a Buckeyes game on.”

“I think most people are aware that you’ve earned your doctorate in Musicology, Kurt,” Charlene said. “And that you teach music theory and classical voice at American University when you aren’t volunteering with various LGBT and anti-bullying groups, but what about you, Tony? What are your doctorates in and what do you do?”

“Well, my second doctorate is in Musicology, just like Kurt,” Tony said. “That one was totally for me. I’ve always loved music and after finishing my first doctorate, I decided that I wanted to explore it just for fun.”

“And your first doctorate?”

“Forensic Psychology,” Tony said. “I got that because I work in law enforcement. Currently, I work for NCIS, Naval Criminal Investigative Services. We protect our sailors and marines as well as their families. I’ve also spent time on the police forces in Philadelphia, Baltimore and Peoria.”

“Don’t let him fool you with his modesty,” Kurt said with a proud smile. “He was the youngest detective in Philadelphia’s history, he was crucial to the arrest and conviction of several high ranking figures in the Malacuso family, and he’s written two textbooks, one on undercover work and one that was just published last month on interrogations. The first has been used to teach trainees in law enforcement around the world for five years, and the second has already sold out because those same institutions want to use it too. He’s constantly getting requests to speak and guest lecture. And he did all of that while still working the crazy hours of a field agent on a team with the highest solve rate out of all the federal agencies.”

Charlene smiled at the obvious pride Kurt showed. “I can tell you are really proud of your fiancé. Tony, how will the election affect your job?”

“Well, I’m not going to be able to work on the field any longer,” Tony said. “I expect after this interview, not only will undercover be impossible, but so will most normal field work. Thankfully, I will be starting a new position in the next couple weeks that will take me out of the field.”

“Tony’s leaving the team?” Tim demanded. Again he was shushed.

“I’m just as proud of Kurt here,” Tony was saying when it got quiet again. “He’s taken what could have been horrific experiences and used them as inspiration to help kids today. He’s the brains behind the Henderson Initiative, a bill that, if passed, will help protect students all over the country by providing funds for schools to install security cameras in all their hallways. No longer will the bullies get away with pushing around their peers just because nobody saw it.”

“I just have one final question for the two of you: When is the wedding?”

“Not until after the election,” Kurt said. “I’m going to be crazy busy helping Dad with the campaign and with the final push for the Henderson Initiative. I’ve even taken a sabbatical from my teaching position for the next two semesters.”

“We haven’t set a date, but we expect it will be next summer sometime,” Tony said.

The television was abruptly turned off. “Normally I’d reprimand you all for watching tv on my time,” Vance said.He and Tony were standing on the landing just above the MCRT. There was now a pretty sizable crowd around Tim and Ziva. “But since I wanted to make an announcement anyway... As you all heard, Agent DiNozzo will soon be taking on new responsibilities. Beginning on Monday, Agent DiNozzo will be the Agent in Charge of Operations for DC and the Central Atlantic Region. This promotion has nothing to do with Agent DiNozzo’s fiancé. It was offered to him based solely on his merits and record. I hope that you will all join me in congratulating Agent DiNozzo.”

The next few minutes were filled with most of the agents present taking a minute to stop by and congratulate Tony. Meanwhile Ziva and Tim were incredulous, whispering together in a corner. When the other agents had finally cleared out, they finally approached Tony.

“How could you lie on national television?” Tim demanded, keeping his voice low, but not low enough. Several of the agents in the bullpen stopped what they were doing to watch the show.

“You are not gay,” Ziva insisted.

Tony chuckled and shook his head. “You know, I should probably feel bad that I wasn’t able to teach you two how to observe people better, but the truth is that you never wanted to learn from me.”

“You can lead a horse to water,” Gibbs said as he came around the corner. “Congratulations, DiNozzo. You’ll be a great AIC.”

“Thanks, Boss,” Tony said with a grin as he walked away from the other two agents and went to his desk.

“Bout time you got out from under my shadow,” Gibbs told him. “Been sitting on that PhD for six years. Not your fault these two don’t pay attention. They both have your undercover textbook from their times at FLETC. Obviously, they didn’t want to learn from the instructors there either, or else they would have paid more attention.”

“Fine, he’s got a degree,” Ziva huffed and threw up her hands, all attempts to be circumspect now gone. “But he isn’t gay!”

“And you know this how?” Gibbs asked her calmly. Tony just let him handle it.

“He’s a womanizer!” Tim said. “He flirts with every woman we meet on a case!”

Gibbs nodded. “Uh-huh. And?”

“And he tells stories,” Ziva said.

“Does he?” Gibbs asked. “Really? Or does he simply make a few pointed references and let you fill in the blanks?”

That brought the pair up short. They both turned to look at Tony who gave them a wry shrug. “Hey, I blame Kate. She always just assumed. It was fun to let her. But then you took up the cause, McGee, and then by the time Ziva came along, everyone had this picture in their minds. Plus, I never discouraged anyone from believing because I’ve learned through many years of law enforcement that sometimes back up disappears or takes just a little too long for gay cops and agents.”

“We would never...” Tim couldn’t even say it.

Tony shrugged. “Maybe you wouldn’t, but the local LEOs might, or another team. You never know.”

“You’re out of the field now,” Gibbs said. “And in a position to make a difference if you see that happening to another agent.”

Tony nodded. “I am. And though Vance was being honest about the fact that the promotion was offered before he knew about Kurt, the reason I took the promotion has everything to do with him. We are going to be watched and scrutinized by the press. Our lives have to be completely open books because the press will twist anything they think we are hiding. Besides, it was time for me to move on. I stayed on the team a lot longer than I probably should have.”

“You really have two PhDs?” Tim asked, bewildered.

Tony laughed. “Yes, McDoubter. I had the first one before you ever came to work here. I finished the second one two years ago.”

“Tony!” Abby’s voice broke through their conversation. “I just heard about the promotion! You have got to promise that you aren’t going to make me take an assistant!”

Tony snickered. “I promise, Abs. If we need help, I’ll find a way to get a second lab or something.”

“Good,” Abby said with a firm nod before pulling him into a hug. “Congratulations. You deserve it. And you and Kurt owe me a movie night. I expect you to pay up now that you won’t be called out for cases in the middle.”

“We’ll set up a date,” Tony promised. “And don’t forget that you and Gibbs are both supposed to come to Burt’s on Friday for the cookout and to plan for the wedding.”

“Not sure why you need me there, but I haven’t forgotten,” Gibbs grunted.

Abby rolled her eyes and kissed Gibbs’ cheek. “You’re coming because we are Tony’s family.”

Gibbs grunted again. Then he noticed that everyone was still watching them. “Get back to work people, or else I’m sure the new AIC can find work for all of you to do.”

There was good natured teasing as they all went back to work. Tony just sat at his desk and grinned. Life was good.

And that night, when he went home to his fiancé, Tony showed Kurt just how happy he was with the life they were building together.


	2. Story #2: Kurt Hummel/Ronon Dex (Glee/Stargate:Atlantis) Wooing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt Hummel in space. With Ronon Dex. Need I say more? 
> 
> This chapter is slightly longer than 5,000 words, but not by much.

When Kurt Hummel arrived on Atlantis, no one knew quite what to make of him. The openly gay son of one of the most powerful and popular Senators (a man who had once been a mechanic, but had given up his quiet life to fight for his only child's rights), most people in the SGC viewed him with suspicion and kept their distance. After all, politicians were the reason that Atlantis was still on Earth more than a year after destroying the super hive. The fact that Burt Hummel had recently been appointed as the head of the subcommittee overseeing the SGC wasn't lost on anyone.

Kurt didn't really help his case. He swept in with a flamboyant air and started making requests to see everything. He hummed pop songs under his breath constantly as he followed the senior staff around the city, making notes and asking questions that were, admittedly, very insightful. He dressed like he was on a fashion runway, ogled the most attractive men, and ignored any and all negative comments about his unsuitability to act as an inspector. 

Of course, once Rodney McKay, Chief Science Office, hacked his records, some of those comments stopped. The kid, at age twenty-eight, had a doctorate in astrophysics, as well as masters in business, languages, civil engineering, music and political science. While Rodney disdained the language, music and political degrees, he couldn't help but be impressed with his astrophysics doctoral thesis, a treatise which built on some of Rodney's own work on wormhole theory. Of course, it wasn't quite up to Rodney's current standards, but the kid didn't have the advantage of years working with actual wormholes. 

In fact, the kid was a bit of an enigma. He had started college late after being turned down for NYADA, a performing arts college. Instead of being deterred, he had regrouped, applied to several other schools and ended up at NYU. There, he had explored all sorts of subjects, while still pursuing his dream of becoming a performer. After a time, he had transferred to American University in DC. He'd done very well, at his new school and had obviously decided not to limit himself to one major. 

The dossier that the SGC had on Kurt Hummel mentioned a brief engagement to his high school sweetheart that ended part way through his undergrad years, which explained the transfer. Since then, there were no serious relationships, but there were several more casual boyfriends. Considering how good looking the kid was, even with his penchant for outrageous fashion, it wasn't surprising that there would be a lot of gay men chasing after him.

Aside from his education, Kurt Hummel had been very actively gaining experience, working with some of the best minds in the world. He interned with the US's liaisons to the British, French, Chinese and Russian Embassies, worked for an international think-tank (one that was supposedly responsible for peace between two African nations that had been at war for longer than he'd been alive by negotiating compromises and creating a joint trade venture that would financially benefit both nations, but only as long as they worked together), worked on a project with Sam Carter that, according to her, would allow subspace communication between galaxies without using significant power, and was a major influence in his father's political camp.

"So, you think the kid's gonna give Papa Hummel a good report?" John Sheppard asked his lover as they sipped beer on the east pier, overlooking the Golden Gate Bridge.

"I think he's a lot more savvy than most people give him credit for," Rodney told him. "Kind of like someone else I know." He gave John a meaningful look. Rodney still couldn't get over the way John downplayed his intellect. "I also think that he's in favor of sending us home."

John gave Rodney a thoughtful look. "What makes you say that?"

Rodney sighed. "Nothing specific. Just... He hid his reactions pretty well, but his eyes lit up every time I showed him something new that we're working on."

"But if we go back to Pegasus, he won't have access," John pointed out.

Rodney arched a brow. "Really? You don't think that if he wants to go, his father will make it happen?"

John shrugged. "He'd be in another galaxy. You think that his father's going to willingly let him go?"

"No idea," Rodney admitted. "But, I think he's our best shot at getting home."

&&&

Rodney, as usual, was right. Not three weeks after Kurt had flown back to DC, word came down that they were going home. The party that followed lasted two days. On the third day, Kurt Hummel arrived back in the city, this time with General O'Neill and Senator Hummel in tow. A meeting of all the staff was called immediately.

"Mr. Woolsey has declined to return to Pegasus," O'Neill announced. There was a brief moment for that news to sink in before he continued. "The IOA, the SGC, and the Congressional Subcommittee have argued and debated for a while now about who should replace him. It was one of the many delays in the decision to allow Atlantis to return to Pegasus. But we did finally come to an agreement. Kurt Hummel will be the new civilian commander."

There was great murmuring this time, though not as much as one might have expected. Rather than waiting for O'Neill to settle things, Kurt stepped up.

"I know what you're all thinking," he said in his unusually high voice. "I'm too young. I don't have enough experience leading anything or anyone. All good arguments, and ones that I'm not going to try to deny. I am young. I don't have experience leading a city. What I do have is a strong mind, an incredible staff that has already done the impossible many times, and a stubborn streak that would put anyone to shame. I may not have all the answers, but I will work with you to figure out those answers together."

There was silence as Rodney smirked at John and some of the others in the room seemed to accept that they would have another leader at the helm when they went back.

"When will we be leaving?" John finally asked.

"I know you've all been working for the last year on research as well as exploring and clearing the city," Kurt said. "But not a lot has been done to prepare for the return. I'd like to meet with the senior staff tomorrow morning to review what each of your departments feel will be necessary to prepare for the trip. I'll go over budgets and our new objectives at that time. Tentatively, the plan is to lift off in two to three months, but we can discuss the feasibility of that timeline tomorrow. Over the coming days, I want to meet with each of the department heads, along with your department managers. There will also be some changes in personnel that we'll need to review."

O'Neill clapped his hands together. "Okay. So there's that out of the way. Senator, anything you want to say?"

"I'm just here for a tour," Senator Hummel said. "And to see where my boy will be living for the next several years."

"Alright then," O'Neill grinned. "Guess that means this meeting is over."

And it was. 

Kurt watched the staff file out of the room. Most of the senior staff was more than a decade older than him and yet they hadn't been too bad about the news that he was going to be leading them. Yet. He supposed it was most likely due to the fact that they had been through three leaders already and pretty much did what they needed to do to get the job done, no matter who was behind the big desk.

"Looks like they won't put up too much of a fuss," Burt Hummel said to his son once the room was empty of all but them and the general. 

Kurt hummed. "Until they trust me, they'll likely just work around me. But that's okay. They know what they're doing. The IOA just needs to feel like they have a say."

"Are you going to tell them your plan?" O'Neill wondered. "It may go a long way to gaining their trust."

"It will help but nothing will work completely until I prove myself," Kurt said.

"Enough business," Burt finally said. "I want to see where you're going to be living."

So Kurt and Jack took him on a tour. Jack ended up pointing out a lot of the changes that had been made over the past year, while the city had been safely hidden away on earth. Almost all of the labs had been cleared, though there were still a few that were sealed off for everyone's safety. The biggest changes were in the residential areas. With the luxuries of Earth readily available, they were able to not only expand the residential apartments, but add comforts that hadn't been available in Pegasus. Things like larger beds, kitchenettes, sofas and other furniture that would make life more comfortable for everyone.

"This will be my apartment," Kurt said when they reached a door not far from the central tower. "Some of the other senior staff are housed in this area. Colonel Sheppard and Dr. McKay have rooms just down the hall."

One of the things that Kurt was excited about was the fact that he had tested positive for the ATA gene and had a rather strong expression of it. Not as strong as Jack or Colonel Sheppard, but strong, nonetheless. He thought at the door and it slid open easily.

Burt and Jack followed him inside and Burt took a quick look around. The apartment was significantly larger than the apartment Kurt had lived in when going to graduate school in DC. The most striking feature of the apartment was the balcony that spanned the length of the sitting room and master bedroom. There was a second bedroom as well as a large bathroom.

Burt could tell that the kitchen was a recent addition to the space, even if Jack and Kurt hadn't already explained. It didn't quite fit the Ancient aesthetic of the rest of the apartment. It was located in an alcove off the living area and had everything that Kurt could need, though it wasn't very large. 

Though they had discussed the fact that the apartments had new furniture, Burt wasn't surprised to see that this apartment was completely empty. Kurt would definitely prefer to decorate it himself.

"I thought I'd use the second bedroom as both a study and a guest bedroom," Kurt said. "In case you and Carole wanted to visit."

"We'll be here for a week before you are scheduled to leave," Burt promised. "And we'll see about after. Not sure I'll be able to swing disappearing for the length of time it will take to get to Pegasus and back."

"Even with the midway station, it takes several days each way," Jack agreed. 

"Well, we'll just have to work on getting a few more ZPMs," Kurt said, like the expedition hadn't been working on that since the beginning.

Burt snorted. "If anyone can do it by sheer force of will, it will be you, Kiddo."

&&&

Kurt looked at the senior staff as they assembled in the conference room and nodded to himself. Rodney McKay, Chief Science Officer, arguably the most brilliant man in two galaxies, as well as the biggest ass in two galaxies according to Jack O'Neill. Colonel John Sheppard, Military Commander for the expedition, a maverick with authority issues but also a man with the respect of not only his own people, but many of the people of Pegasus. Carson Beckett, Chief Medical Officer, a clone of the original CMO of the expedition as well as a man who had more than a few issues with self-worth and a need to make amends for perceived mistakes, but also one of the best doctors in two galaxies. Teyla Emmagen, leader of the Athosians, member of SGA-1, and one of the best assets the city had for building relationships with native cultures. Ronon Dex, member of SGA-1, and one of the best assets the city had for defending its people. Ronon, Teyla, and her family had been stuck on a world not their own for more than a year already, but were not resentful. In fact, Ronon seemed to enjoy his time on Earth.

These were good people, people who knew what they were doing and what was best for not only the city, but the people of Pegasus. And while Kurt had yet to see Pegasus, he felt a connection to the place and its people. He had a soft spot for those who were bullied, whether it happened in a schoolyard or in another galaxy.

"So, what I didn't say yesterday in front of everyone is that there's more going on here than just a return to Pegasus," Kurt told them once everyone was settled. "As far as the IOA is concerned, we're taking Atlantis back and things will be business as usual. I don't think that will work long term. Eventually, someone will want to recall the city. Some other threat will come up, or they will think that we're hiding something from them. As long as Atlantis is under IOA control, we're at their mercy."

There was a moment of silence, but Kurt saw several heads nod at this. Most notable and most adamant in his agreement was Ronon Dex. While Kurt hadn't spent a lot of time with the man, he respected him. He was quiet, but exceedingly interesting and intelligent. And it didn't hurt that he was super hot, even with the dreadlocks and tacky leather pants. Or maybe because of the tacky leather pants.

"So, what's the plan?" Ronon asked, cutting to the chase.

"The plan is that we wait until we're in Pegasus and declare our independence," Kurt said. "The SGC and the President are behind us, and will officially negotiate a treaty with Atlantis when the time comes. In the meantime, we need to make preparations to become an independent colony of Earth, rather than just an expedition. What I need from you is an idea of what we're going to need to truly establish ourselves."

"Tradesmen," Rodney piped in right away. "Scientists are needed for research, but they don't have practical experience with things like electricity and plumbing and general repairs. Some of the people who died early on could have been saved if they knew the first thing about how to work with electricity."

"If we are discussing a permanent settlement, you will want those who have experience with agriculture as well," Teyla offered. "While my people are happy to help in that area, we do not have enough people to do the work to support the entire city."

"So farmers to grow food, what about livestock?" Kurt asked.

"Yes," John agreed. "We've supplemented our supply runs with hunted meat, but raising livestock would be better."

"The zoologists are going to hate that," Rodney told them. "They don't think we should mess with the natural order. Hunting is acceptable, but domestic animals cause environmental damage. Hell, the botanists are going to hate us farming in mass quantities, too. Personally, I'd rather have bacon and coffee regularly if we can work it out."

"They're going to have to figure out how to live with it," Kurt said. "We can't support several thousand people with just a few deer, or whatever the soldiers hunt."

"In which case, we'll need vets, too," John put in. "And equipment."

"We've traded a lot of medical supplies in the past," Carson pointed out. "If our supplies are limited, we'll need to consider alternate renewable trade goods."

"So we'll want craftsmen and artisans, too," Kurt agreed. "People who can contribute items for both the city and for trade."

"Miners," Rodney said. "We've found several planets with mineral and ore deposits that would be very useful, but no way to mine them and the societies on those planets don't have the skill to do it. Hell, most of them are barely Medieval."

"So maybe we get experts who can teach them," Kurt suggested. "Then we let them mine the ore and trade with us and other planets for items they can use. We can even give them the equipment to do it."

"I believe that many of those planets would be willing to entertain such an arrangement, especially if we offer medical assistance and help them learn better farming practices as well," Teyla told them with a smile. "I have been amazed to see how vast your fields of grain are here on Earth. Though they must be to support the billions of people you have on this planet."

"That's a good point, Teyla," Kurt agreed. "We can offer to teach other planets some of the basics of agriculture that we've learned as a measure of good faith."

"We could teach them other stuff too," Ronon said. "Open a school."

Kurt thought about that. "We'll need to teach our own children, so that's not a bad idea."

"We don't have children," Rodney pointed out.

"But we will," Kurt said. "If we're recruiting farmers and tradesmen, we're not going to find many without family ties. And if they agree to come along, they will want to bring their kids and cousins and grandparents. And that's a good thing for establishing ourselves as a viable community."

"If we're bringing all those people, we're going to need laws and people to enforce those laws," John pointed out. "My guys can only do so much, and they're usually too busy protecting the city from outsiders or going off-world to police the city too."

"So law enforcement," Kurt said, adding it to the long list already on his tablet. "Now we're getting down to it. Let's talk about the hydroponic facilities, then we can get more specific about what trades we'll need. And we can make a general list of what equipment we'll need, to be finalized once we get the experts onboard."

&&&

It was shocking how many people were ready to pack up their families and head to another galaxy. Many of the farmers they found had lost or were on the brink of losing their small family farms to the large farming companies. Tradesmen and craftsmen were a little harder but there were still plenty willing to sign on. Even the vets and doctors signed up. And Kurt was right that most of them had families that they would bring with them. Which led to recruiting teachers and childcare workers. 

They began buying livestock and seeds and seedlings to bring with them, as well as equipment and supplies. Some things they would still get from Earth, but most items they would either make themselves or trade with local planets to get. Their three month timetable got pushed back to almost four months, but eventually they were ready to go. 

On their last week on Earth, Senator Hummel and his wife came to stay and Kurt proudly explained everything they had done. 

"We won't use the new wormhole drive for the trip," Kurt told them over dinner in his home. He had taken to cooking many of his own meals, as had many of the new families now in residence. "It would use up too much power needlessly. And we aren't in a hurry to get there this time."

"Where are you keeping the animals?" Carole asked. 

"We're a little like Noah's ark," Kurt laughed. "The teams actually discovered a fairly large section of the city that had been used to house animals. It's how the Ancients transported their food animals when they travelled through space. So now we have sheep and goats and cows and pigs and chickens and horses. We even have buffalo and oxen. Plus, Teyla says there are a few domesticated animals that her people use for food and we can trade for them when we're settled."

"Well, I haven't heard any grumbling from the IOA, so I don't think they realize what you're doing," Burt told him. "The president is prepared to deny any knowledge of the plan, but we're pretty sure that we can get our allies on board to support the secession when you declare it. Especially your friends in Britain, France, China and Russia."

Carole hesitated for a moment before asking, "Are you sure that this is what you want, Sweetie? All of your friends are here."

Kurt took her hand across the table and smiled sadly. "I'm sure. I'm going to miss you and Dad like crazy, but I feel like this is what I'm supposed to be doing. I can't explain it but I know I need to go."

"Well then, let's bust open the bottle of champagne we brought and toast to your new adventure." Burt said with a tearful smile. 

&&&

Anyone not on duty in the city watched the launch from the windows in the observation deck in the central tower as it had the best view of the world they were leaving behind. Once they reached space, however, most people lost interest and wandered away. Kurt stayed as the Earth grew smaller and smaller. He stayed when they went into hyperdrive and the stars became streaks of blue light. He stayed a long time lost in thought until his contemplation was interrupted. 

"The view isn't likely to change."

Kurt turned to find Ronon Dex leaning against a pillar. His body was on display, while Kurt didn't think he was interested in showing it off for him, he took a moment to appreciate the beauty in front of him. 

"It's just so amazing to think that the entire city is traveling through space faster than the speed of light," Kurt finally admitted. 

Ronon grunted in a way that seemed to agree. "Come eat. It's past lunch."

And so Kurt found himself heading to the dining hall with the Satedan warrior. "You don't dress in the uniform of your people."

Kurt chuckled at that gross understatement. "No. I had to wear a uniform for a while when I was in high school and the experience nearly destroyed me. When I agreed to take this position, it was with the understanding that I would wear whatever I damn well want."

The big man nodded. "Still not like the others."

Kurt grinned. "That's because I adore fashion. It's my one true regret about leaving. That and my parents. What about you? Are you happy to be going home?"

"Atlantis is my home," Ronon told him. Kurt understood. He had read the reports about all of his staff in the last four months. Any time that wasn't used to negotiate the supplies they would need was spent reviewing personnel files and reading past mission reports. So he knew about Ronon's planet being destroyed. It had to be hard to lose everything.

They split up as they gathered food onto their trays, but the big man waited for Kurt before finding a seat for them. It wasn't very hard to do since most of those who were going to eat in the communal dining hall had already done so. There were only a few stragglers left. 

"You're pretty open about sharing blankets with men." Kurt almost choked on his salad at that pronouncement. 

"I... well, yes." Kurt agreed. "I've never been able to really hide that. Even before I decided to be open about my sexuality, people assumed based on the way I look and dress and act. So I don't see much point in hiding who I am."

"John and Rodney had to hide for a long time," Ronon stated. "Even from each other. But then your government's rules changed."

"They were stupid rules," Kurt said, thinking of DADT and its repeal. "Earth is very good with some changes, like technology, but very slow with others."

"Dumb," Ronon decided. "Who you share blankets with doesn't make you better or worse. It just is."

"I agree," Kurt said with a smile and was gratified to see the warrior give a rare smile in return. 

&&&

Somehow lunch with Ronon became a daily thing. Kurt still had dinner in his quarters most evenings, but each day Ronon would stop by his office at lunchtime and refused to leave until Kurt agreed to go to lunch. Kurt quickly learned not to argue. 

It wasn't a date. Kurt firmly told himself of that frequently. More often than not, they dined with other people, most often the senior staff but sometimes various members of the military or civilian contingencies. Ronon was quiet but very good at making sure that Kurt met all the people who were counting on him to lead them. 

Two weeks into their trip, Ronon cajoled him into training with him. It started with an invitation to join him and John Sheppard on their morning run after Ronon discovered Kurt running on a treadmill one morning. Then Kurt made the mistake of telling him that he had taken a few self defense classes and suddenly Kurt was facing the man who made Finn look small across a mat. He did okay, at least according to the military guys hanging around the gym. Even so, he ached all over for two days after.

Four weeks into the trip, Kurt was confronted about all the time he was spending with Ronon, but not in the way he would have expected. It came after their bi-weekly senior staff meeting. (Although “week” was a loose translation since they measured time in twelve day increments. And months weren't at all applicable, since both of the planets that Atlantis had occupied had more than one moon.)

"So the bottom line is that the hydroponic labs are flourishing, but they are draining more energy than we anticipated," Rodney McKay summarized after a very long winded explanation.

"How much more energy?" Kurt asked. "Enough to jeopardize our ability to reach our destination?"

"No," Rodney said with a frown. "Not even close to that much. If it had been, I would have shut the whole thing down long before now."

"Okay, then," Kurt sighed. "We just need to get the city settled and then we can begin using the retrofitted solar panels and wind turbines to augment the power we use for our agricultural labs, as well as the city's occupational usage."

"Yes, yes," Rodney waved a hand. "We're all so excited by the brilliant ideas."

"It just made sense, since we were already on Earth," John reminded him with a smirk. Rodney hated when he didn't have the best ideas in the room.

"How are the livestock faring?" Teyla asked, trying to diplomatically change the subject.

Rodney rolled his eyes. "The zoologists are arguing with the farmers and veterinarians about how much time they need the UV lights on for the animals. The zoologists insist that twelve hours is a minimum."

"And the farmers?" John asked with amusement.

"They're much more practical," Rodney admitted. "They say that domesticated animals in northern climates go for months with very little sunlight without serious harm. They say give them four to five hours and they would be fine for the rest of the journey. I've sided with the farmers. It's a waste of energy to give them more time when they don't need it."

"I think perhaps the zoologists need to spend more time under the solar lamps," Teyla suggested.

"Carson, can you have Dr. Chen check in with them?" Kurt asked. "See that they aren't suffering from anything worse than a little seasonal affect disorder?"

"Of course, lad," Carson agreed.

"Okay, then, unless anyone else has anything to add, I think we can adjourn," Kurt decided. "I hear the cook is serving grilled cheese and tomato soup for lunch."

Soon most of the senior staff had left, but John stayed behind after shooing Ronon out the door. Most times, Ronon would drag Kurt to lunch right after the meeting.

"You know he's wooing you, right?" John said once they were alone.

"What?" Kurt asked, shocked by both the subject and the abruptness with which the Colonel brought it up.

"Ronon," John drawled. "He's courting you. He did the same thing with Dr. Keller a while back. She chose not to stay with the program when we were on Earth. But they had broken up before that. Anyway, Ronon's a pretty simple guy. When he likes someone, he shows them attention and does stuff for them."

"So you think that because we're spending time together that he's wooing me?"

“That’s exactly what I think,” John said. “And I think that if you don’t want to hurt him, you need to be very careful how you turn him down.”

Kurt narrowed his eyes at John and asked, “Why would you think I would turn him down?”

That response caught John off guard. He obviously hadn’t considered that Kurt might be just as interested in a relationship as Ronon was. “Uh... no reason. Just... giving a friendly FYI... No offense meant.” And with that, John fled.

&&&

That evening, after the movie that was currently showing in the room they had turned into a theater, Ronon walked Kurt back to his rooms as they discussed the merits of classic horror, like Hitchcock’s Psycho, versus newer horror, like Saw. As they walked, Kurt reached out and took Ronan’s hand.

Later, one of the younger marines they passed in the halls would swear that Ronon Dex had a smile so wide that the recruit was sure that the Satedan had to have just killed someone. But as the days and weeks passed and Kurt and Ronon became more of an established couple, a smile on the gruff Pegasus native’s face began to signify something other than bloodshed.

And when the day came for Atlantis to declare their independence, Ronon Dex stood proudly beside his lover as he brought Atlantis into a new era.


	3. Story # 3: Tony Stark/Daniel Jackson (Marvel/Stargate SG1) Bonding Trope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aliens make them do it. (That’s another trope, but it’s a pretty apt description for this very short chapter.)

Tony Stark stared at the guy in front of him and scowled. “Remind me again why I can’t just shoot our way out of this?”

Daniel Jackson sighed. They had been over this at least three times already, once before ever stepping through the Stargate. “Because we need the naquadah that these people can provide us. Otherwise, that nifty new weapon that you and Dr. Banner and Sam have been working on to battle that Thanos guy will be a very big, very expensive, pile of scrap metal.”

Stark seemed to consider that. The fact that even with that incentive, the man still had to consider his options made Daniel stiffen with offended pride. “Really? I’m that bad of a catch?”

Stark rolled his eyes. “Don’t give me the wounded Bambi eyes. It’s nothing personal. I wouldn’t want to bond with anyone right now. Just broke up with my fiancé, in case you missed the headlines that graced grocery store checkout aisles across the world for the past two months.”

“Yeah, well,” Daniel tugged at his shirt sleeve and huffed. “Fine. But I don’t see that we have much choice. They will only give us the naquadah as a bonding gift. That means there has to be a bonding. We are the only two currently unattached people on our team.”

“What about Banner?” Stark pointed out.

Daniel gave him a baleful look. “Really? You want to force a guy who turns into a big green rage monster into an unwanted bonding, with unknown rituals and unknown consequences? BEsides, he’s still hung up on his ex. And she’s been writing to him lately. With any luck, they’ll get back together within the year.”

“How do you know that?” Stark demanded. “Bruce bear and I are science bros and I didn’t know that. You’ve know the man for 36 hours and you know that he and Betty are trying to reconcile?”

Daniel shrugged and gave him a grin. “I’m just that good.”

Tony glared and then pointed a finger at the anthropologist. “I’m watching you. Shoulda known... you can’t trust the soft sciences.”

“They’re ready for you,” Cameron said from the doorway of the hut where they had been waiting. “You remember what you have to do?”

“We go to the gazebo thingy, drink some stuff, repeat some words that the priest guy says, and then let them cut and bind our palms together,” Stark said with a negligent wave. “Yeah, yeah. We got it. Let’s get this over with before I come to my senses and start blowing shit up.”

^^^^^

Tony woke with a head that was throbbing so bad he was sure it would fall off any minute. There wasn't the usual nausea that comes with drinking too much, but he didn't automatically rule the possibility out. Without moving his aching head, or even opening his eyes, he took inventor of his body. He'd woken up in enough strange beds to know right away that he wasn't at home, at any of his homes. Not the right sounds or smells or noises. And the bed... it felt like someone had tossed a jacket over a pile of leaves. He was pretty sure that there was a stick poking him in the side. Aside from the headache, he was sore in muscles that indicated a rather enthusiastic night with an energetic bed partner. A male bed partner... or a female into pegging. A bed partner he could hear breathing and feel resting on his chest. Yep, and there was the telltale morning wood pressing against his hip.

As he lay there, Tony began piecing together the day before from snippets that were clearing from the fog his brain was currently wallowing in. He remembered working with the SGC team. They had come to some planet with a number he didn't really care to remember so that they could broker a deal on some special alien metal that had highly explosive properties. He vaguely recalled arguing with Dr. Jackson about the fact that the natives of this planet wanted them to go through a bonding ceremony. He even remembered reluctantly agreeing. What he didn't remember was anything after drinking that nasty concoction that the priest or witchdoctor or whatever gave him.

No matter how long he lay there thinking about it, he couldn't recall how he had gotten from the ceremony to being in bed with, presumably, his new bond-mate.

"Stop thinking so loud," Jackson muttered and weakly slapped at Tony's torso. "You're making my headache worse.”

“I’m not thinking too loud,” Tony huffed. “I’m thinking just loud enough. And I don’t suppose you remember anything after the ceremony?”

Daniel laughed and sat up. “Not much, really, but enough to know we didn’t have sex, so this bond we’ve got going here must be triggered by something else. Then again, I can say that my attraction to you has increased significantly in the past 24 hours, which is likely because of the bond.”

Now that his mate mentioned it, Tony could feel the need for physical intimacy increasing the longer they talked. “Well, hell.”

Daniel sat up and looked into Tony’s eyes. “You that against us having sex?”

“No,” Tony said with a sigh. “I just have this sinking feeling that once we do this—and I know we are going to do this—that there won’t be a way to reverse this thing. If there’s a way now.”

“Huh,” Daniel said mildly. “I can honestly say that with the way my body feels drawn to you right now, and knowing everything I know about you, I’m pretty sure I don’t care if it’s permanent. I mean, yeah, you had a pretty scandalous reputation, but you seem like a much better person these days. And you are smart. Smarter than me, which is a truly rare find in my life. Plus, you didn’t freak out about the whole alien planets part of my job, so that’s a bonus.”

“You talk more than I do,” Tony said. “And that’s saying something. I think I like it.”

“Good,” Daniel said. “Now, will you get on with the sexy times? Or do we have to hash all this out first?”

Tony pressed his new bond-mate back into the cushions beneath them and grinned. “Never let it be said that I passed up the opportunity to sex up a hot brainiac.”


	4. Story #4: Don Epps/Shawn Spencer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pairing: Don Epps/Shawn Spencer (Numb3rs/Psych)  
> Prompts: Moving & In Vino Veritas

“No. No way. We are not adding more reasons for the rest of the FBI to think we’re a bunch of kooks who’ve been in La La Land too long,” Don Epps nearly growled. Shawn Spencer often had that effect on people. He didn’t let it get him down. Instead, he redoubled his efforts to be included on the FBI’s case. He spent the next half hour “reading” the agents in the major crimes unit of the LA office of the FBI. 

In the end, it wasn’t his reading of the agents that got him in; it was the reading of the case photos that he caught just a glimpse of as he was being escorted through the bullpen and away from the busy team of agents. That “vision” had led them to the house of the serial killer. Another “vision” and they found the cabin where the man was holding his next victim. It wasn’t Shawn’s best work—he was getting too old, too tired and too jaded to keep up the entertaining big reveals, not to mention the lack of an appreciative audience—but it had resulted in saving a woman’s life, so ha counted it a win. Plus, Don Epps was super-smokin’ hot. Plus, plus he was getting paid. Or at least he hoped so; that part hadn’t been very clear. 

Best part of the case, however, was making the sexy lead agent laugh. Shawn made a point of doing his best to keep up the lighthearted banter as much as possible so he could see the man smile and laugh. It almost made him forget his own troubles for a while.

That night, after the team of agents finished their paperwork, they invited Shawn to go to the bar with them. It was a fun night. Shawn didn’t get to hang out with Gus much anymore, since he was still in San Francisco and Shawn had been forced to move on to LA, so he got lonely at times. Having a team—or anyone, really—make him feel welcome was a rare thing these days. Before long, however, the members of the FBI’s team began to head out and soon it was just Don Epps and Shawn at the bar, both having probably drunk more than was wise, but not so much that they didn’t know what they were saying and doing. Lubrication, Shawn’s mother would have called it; just enough alcohol to make honesty easier for one man who rarely told the truth and another man who rarely spoke at all.

“I don’t believe in psychics,” Don told him.

Shawn considered his companion and knew he was probably making a mistake, but the booze was making him long for some kind of intimacy that his life was severely lacking since his move from San Francisco. “I’ll let you in on a little secret, I don’t believe in psychics, either.”

Don snorted. “Funny.”

Shawn shook his head. “No, seriously. I don’t. What psychics do is read people really well.”

Don frowned. “Is that what you do?”

Shawn shrugged. “What I do is a lot more complicated and took decades to perfect. It involves an eidetic memory, a really high IQ, and the ability to analyze facts and clues in a split second. My dad drilled it into my brain, so now I can’t shut it off, and no one will believe me unless I tell them the spirits told me. First time I tried to help with a case, the police tried to arrest me because I knew too much. So I lied. And now, I can’t do anything but lie. My fiancé—my ex-fiancé—is a cop and broke up with me three times over it, and I’m pretty sure there’s no getting back together this time. I had to leave town because she threatened to arrest me for fraud if I stuck around. My best friend, who had already uprooted his life for me once, wasn’t prepared to do it again. And I can’t really blame him what with the new wife and a kid on the way. I can’t go back to where I grew up, because the police chief there hates my guts... well, that’s not strictly true, but he was thrilled when I moved away so I couldn’t show him up anymore. And so, here I am, starting it all over again.”

Don nodded. “That sucks. I mean, that really sucks. My girlfriend and I broke up again recently. And I’m pretty sure that its for good this time, too.”

Shawn sat back in his chair and stared at the agent in front of him. “That’s all you have to say? I just told you that I’m not psychic.”

“Yeah,” Don said. “I already knew that.”

“You aren’t going to arrest me for being a fraud?” Shawn asked.

Don shrugged. “I probably could, but that seems stupid when you’ve actually been helping us out. And I had my team run a background on you before we let you in on the case. I know you’ve helped a lot of people. I would suggest you get an actual PIs license before this case goes to trial, though. I can help you get the clearances and backing you’ll need. And I can bring you on to consult. I have a pretty hefty consulting line in my budget. It’s left over from when my brother used to consult for us, but he’s off with his new wife, being the supportive husband.”

“Your brother is a PI?” Shawn asked.

“Mathematician,” Don corrected. “He’d use math to figure out stuff for us, like probability and game theory and stuff like that.”

“Right,” Shawn said with a nod. “Boring stuff, but can be useful. I took a seminar once, at Princeton. Wait, that guy’s name was Epps, too. Your brother?”

“Most likely,” Don said. “Our background check didn’t list you as having attended Princeton.”

Shawn grinned. “Oh, no, I wasn’t a student. I worked for a courier service. We did a lot of deliveries to the school. I’d pop in on whatever classes caught my interest. Your brother’s class was the only math class that actually made the subject bearable.”

“That’s Charlie,” Don said with wistful pride. Shawn could tell that he loved his brother and missed him. “You gonna get that license? I can’t pay a psychic, but I can pay a PI.”

Shawn grinned. “I suppose I better, then. Can’t live at the Y forever.”

Don rolled his eyes. “Seriously? You’re staying with me.”

“I am?” Shawn asked.

“Unless you prefer the Y,” Don said casually. “I have a spare room if you want it.”

“That sounds awfully lonely. I’ve gotten used to sharing a room with Le’Roy, Carl and Damien. What if I don’t want to be alone?” Shawn asked curiously.

“I have a big bed,” Don said. “We could share, if you like that option better.”

Shawn grinned. He knew he was reading this guy right. He had definitely been checking out Shawn’s fine ass while they worked the case. “I think I want to know more about this sharing plan. And for how long it might be implemented. And then I feel like I should tell you about the importance of having fresh pineapples in your home at all times.”

Don grinned at the man who had the ability to make him forget the harsh reality of the work they did. Having Shawn in his life was going to be an adventure, but it would also be fun. “Let’s go home, and you can regale me with trivia about pineapples in the car.”


	5. Story #5: Charlie Epps/Seeley Booth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pairing: Charlie Epps/Seeley Booth (Numb3rs/Bones)  
> Prompt: Coming Out

Charlie Epps/Seeley Booth (Numb3rs/Bones) Coming Out

 

Charlie Epps stared at the koi in his backyard pond and wondered exactly how his life had become what it was. The fact that it was his backyard, and not his father's, was just one of the many baffling things that had happened to him in recent days. He was the owner of his childhood home, and his father was now living with him, rather than the other way around. He was working with his big brother on cases for the FBI. His mother, the reason he had moved back to California in the first place, was dead and they were all still reeling from that, despite the fact that it had been nearly two years ago.

It was strange being in this house. In some ways, it made him feel like he was still the gawky pre-adolescent that had dogged his brother Don's heels for years before heading off to college at the ripe old age of 13. At the same time, he felt like a stranger in his own home. No one knew him here. 

Well, Larry knew him, but he was Larry. He was Charlie's mentor, former teacher and best friend in the world. They had met when Charlie was a student at Princeton, and had, over the many intervening years, forged a fast friendship. So much so that when Charlie had accepted the job at CalSci because of his mother's illness, Larry had followed him. And Charlie was immensely grateful for his presence in his life. There had been many times, close to the end of his mother's life, when Charlie was sure that he wasn't going to survive losing her. But Larry had kept him from getting too lost in the equations in his head and helped ground him in a way that few people could do. 

Margaret Epps, his mother, had been another person who could ground him and keep him from getting lost in his own head. Losing her had been the worst thing he had ever experienced in his life. He had thought he would never get past it, and had willingly, eagerly even, let himself be consumed by the work rather than face that pain. But Larry had been there to get him through it all.

That wasn't to say that Don and Alan, Charlie's father, hadn't tried to help. But they were both going through their own grief. And neither of them really knew Charlie. He'd spent most of his teen years in New Jersey with his mother, while his father had stayed in California because of his work and because of Don. Neither of them had been around during those very critical years of his emotional and social development. And after Princeton, there was MIT and Harvard. Then, with three PhD's under his belt, he'd taken his first job with Columbia when he was only 19. He'd left there after two years and spent the next two years working for the NSA full-time, rather than just the short consulting gigs he'd been doing since he was fifteen. Two years was enough for him to know that he really didn't want to work for the government for the rest of his life. Then his mother was diagnosed with cancer, and so he took Stanford's offer of a job, with plenty of time and opportunity to do research and still come down to visit on weekends. 

Within a year, it became obvious that Margaret Epps was not going to live long and Charlie wanted to be as close as he could get, so he had moved home at 24 and taken the job with CalSci. Don was living in New Mexico at the time, but was transferred not long after, so he too could be close to home. That had been three years ago. However, the first year, they had all been so focused on his mother, that they hadn't taken the time to get to know each other. The second year, they had all be mourning and each lost in their own grief. It had only been in the last few months that any of them had come out of the fog that had enveloped them enough to pay any real attention to each other.

Charlie admitted, even if it was only to himself, that he didn't know his brother or father, either. They were all struggling to find each other since the one person who had kept them together was gone. 

But none of that changed the fact that he had spent the last three years with people who didn't really know him. They both looked at him and saw the boy he had once been, not the 27 year old man he had become. Despite having published numerous papers, receiving awards in his field, being offered tenure with one of the most prestigious schools for mathematics in the world, having worked on projects for the government of which even Don could never know the specifics, and spending the past several months consulting for the FBI and his brother's team, neither man could see beyond their memories of a young boy with a mind too advanced for his body.

Of course, he hadn't really gone out of his way to change their minds, either. Some of his experiences he couldn't talk about, some of them he didn't want to talk about, and some were just none of their business. And he knew that his obsession with PvsNP in the final weeks of their mother's life, had done nothing to assuage their negative opinions of his ability to cope with life. But Charlie knew he was stronger than that these days. Hell, he'd made it through some difficult situations that he was never going to tell his father or Don about. 

"I'm surprised your brother let you out of his sight."

Charlie glanced up at the familiar voice and the the man to whom it belonged. It was a long way to look up, since not only was Charlie sitting on the ground, but Agent Seeley Booth was a tall man. "Don had to write up the case. It's more surprising that my dad went to bed without locking me in my room."

Agent Booth sat down on the grass beside Charlie and looked into the pond. "Nice fish."

Charlie huffed a laugh. "They were my mother's prized possessions. She begged dad for years to put in a pond so she could raise them. It didn't happen until she got sick. Then Dad built the pond and they would sit out here together for hours. Even once she couldn't get around without help, he brought her out every day as long as the weather was good. Since she died, Dad and I have taken over making sure that they're fed and cared for."

Seeley nodded and glanced back at Charlie. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Charlie sighed. "I know better than to run into a crime scene unprotected. It was stupid, but I was just so caught up in trying to help..."

Seeley nodded again. "I get it. Don't do it again." Then he pulled Charlie into a tight embrace

"I won't," Charlie promised, his face tucked into Seeley’s neck. "Do you think anyone realized we knew each other?"

"Not that I could tell," Seeley said. "Not sure why it matters though."

Charlie shrugged and pulled back a little, but not entire out of Seeley’s comforting arms. "I don't talk about my time with the NSA much. There are so many questions I can't answer, and then there are a lot more that I don't want to answer."

"And knowing me would automatically bring that up," Seeley agreed.

Charlie had met Seeley for the first time working on a highly classified operation. Charlie had provided the data analysis that had been used to narrow the search for a major terrorist. Seeley was the military sniper assigned to eliminate the terrorist once his location was determined.

Unfortunately, before the terrorist could be eliminated, he had discovered the operation and had sent men to infiltrate the base where Charlie was working. He had been taken hostage. Seeley and his team had led the rescue mission and gotten them out safely. But they had been cut off from the rest of the team before the extraction could take place, and they had spent three days in a cave together, attempting to stay hidden and alive long enough to get to the secondary extraction point. It had only been five days total, two as a captive and three on the run, but those days had been one long nightmare.

But their time alone in that cave had forged something unbreakable between them. It had changed each of them profoundly. And the bond that was forged was more than just because of the physical comfort they sought and found in each other.

Once back in camp, Seeley had helped Charlie focus his fear and anger enough to get the information they needed to take down the terrorist. Then he had gone out and killed the man responsible for so many lost lives, and responsible for Charlie's nightmares. Charlie had watched the operation from sat cams in the base, every last detail projected on the large screens, and he had to admit that, despite being a pacifist, he was glad to see the man dead. 

Since that mission, they had worked together a couple other times, but never anything like that first operation. Seeley was a seemingly simple man, he wore so much of himself on his sleeve, but he hid the really personal stuff, like his guilt over how many people he had killed in the line of duty. Charlie, however, was pretty sure he knew the soldier turned agent better than most. He had been with Seeley at his lowest moments, when neither of them believed they would survive.

And Seeley knew Charlie. He had gotten Charlie through those first few days after the abduction, helping him with the nightmares and grounding him when he would have rather just retreated into the numbers and blocked out the world and all its evil. They'd had long talks on the phone several times a month ever since then, and they met up for more than talking as often as they could—though that was unfortunately not all that often. He knew all about Seeley's rough childhood with an alcoholic and abusive father, and he knew about his teens, when Seeley's grandfather, Hank Booth, had taken him in to protect him and his younger brother. He knew that Pops had been more of a father to Seeley than his actual father, the person who had taught him everything he knew about being a man. And it was because of Seeley's influence that Charlie felt as comfortable as he did working with Don. It was him who showed Charlie how to redirect anger, fear, and other negative emotions into more positive outlets, like putting bad people behind bars. And it worked. Most of the time.

"I should go before Don comes to check on you," Seeley said as he reluctantly tried to step away.

Charlie sighed. He probably should let the other man go, but he clung for a minute longer. "You could stay in the guest room. Larry's the only one who ever really uses it, and that's rare."

Seeley got that slightly amused look that made his eyes sparkle and made Charlie's stomach flip. "If I spend the night, even if it is actually in the guest room, questions will be asked."

"I know," Charlie agreed. "But we know each other officially now. I can just say that I offered you a room to thank you for saving me. Thanks for that, by the way, saving me. Again."

"Always," Seeley promised and he pressed a kiss to Charlie’s temple before stepping fully away. "Okay. Lead the way."

3B3B3B3

Don didn't come by, but he did call while Seeley and Charlie were putting fresh sheets on the guest bed. Charlie spent a few minutes reassuring his brother that he was fine and that he was actually going to bed, not to the garage to work. Once he hung up, he noticed that Seeley was giving him that amused look again.

"Think he believed you?" Seeley wondered.

Charlie shrugged. "If he didn't, he'll just stop by and find the lights in garage are out. I really am tired, and I'm really not all that upset about today."

"Just pensive about life in general," Seeley said as he brushed a curl away from Charlie’s eyes, and Charlie was once again amazed by just how well the other man could read him. For a man as macho and stereotypically masculine as Seeley could be, he was really good at reading people and emotions. Much better than Charlie was. There were times when Seeley knew what Charlie was feeling before he did.

"They don't know me," Charlie muttered as he sat down on the freshly made bed. "They're my family and they don't know me. I went away to college when I was still a kid and they missed the part where I grew up. So they still look at me like a kid. They missed the parts where I... where I had to get tougher or get lost in my own head. Mom was there, she saw it all. She knew me."

"And every time they show how little they know you, you miss her more," Seeley finished for him. He leaned against the wall and studied his sometimes lover. "Maybe it's time they get to know you."

Charlie shook his head. "It's too hard. I can't tell them that stuff. I can't tell them about Afghanistan or Turkey. Or Peru. Hell, I can't even tell them about Princeton. Don's still pissed that Mom went with me, and Dad's... He understood why she came with me, but it hurt him. It hurt them both being apart for so long, and now she's gone and I can't help but think about all the time they missed with her because of me. And bringing up that time will just..." He shook his head again. "I can't do it."

"So don't tell them," Seeley suggested. "Maybe it's time you started showing them. You know, one of the first things that Don told me when we met was that I should stay the hell away from you, because you have a very nice, pretty girlfriend?"

"I do?" Charlie asked with a frown. "I would think I would know if I had a girlfriend. And it would be a bit of a miracle since..."

"I know," Seeley chuckled. He pushed off the wall and sat beside Charlie on the bed. "It would be as likely as me settling down with a nice girl. Neither of us is exactly straight. But that's what I'm talking about, Einstein."

Charlie grinned at the use of Seeley’s nickname for him. "I thought you had given the game away when you called me that in front of the team."

Seeley shrugged. "People see what they expect to see. Even agents in the FBI. Besides, I called you that the first time we met. But you aren't going to change the subject. Amita?"

Charlie sighed. "Right. Even Larry wonders if there's something going on, and he knows better. I can only say that I haven't done anything to encourage her. But I also haven't discouraged anyone from thinking what they wanted to think."

"Stop hiding, Charlie," Seeley said as he clasped the other man’s hand. "You complain that no one knows you. But they won't ever know you if you keep hiding."

Charlie nodded, then he whispered in voice that sounded more like a lost kid than a grown man, "But... what if... what if they don't..."

"They love you Charlie," Seeley said and squeezed the hand in his. "They aren't bigoted assholes like my father. They aren't going to love you any less if you come out."

"I know you're right," Charlie admitted softly. "But it's not easy."

Seeley shook his head. "Never said it would be." He got a self-deprecating look on his face as he continued, “If it was easy, Bones and her squints would know that Parker was the result of a VERY drunk night that has never been and never will be repeated. So yeah, I know it’s not easy. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t tell them anyway. And if I ever convince you to take that job at American University that they’ve been offering for the past four years, I’ll have a reason to tell my team, too.”

Charlie was silently contemplative for a minute, debating just how serious Seeley was about wanting him to move to DC. Since the day that Charlie had casually mentioned it in passing, Seeley had brought it up nearly every month during their phone calls. Charlie hadn’t ever been a position before to seriously consider the ramifications of Seeley’s offer, but now...

Charlie huffed and shook the seriousness of the last few minutes off. "I should let you get some rest. There's extra towels in the cabinet in the bathroom, if you want a shower. And there's an extra toothbrush in the medicine cabinet."

"Okay, thanks," Seeley said with a sigh. "Get some rest Charlie."

"I will," Charlie promised.

3B3B3B3

When Charlie came down to breakfast the next morning, he paused at the doorway to the kitchen when he heard voices. Don was in there with Seeley.

“You need to leave Charlie alone,” Don said and Charlie was very tempted to just barge in and tell his brother where to get off, but something held him back. Maybe he wanted to hear what Seeley would say.

“Charlie is a big boy, Don,” Seeley said quietly. “He’s able to make his own choices.”

“What are you even doing here?” Don demanded. “I would have thought that with you finally having a permanent team with the squints at the Jeffersonian, you would have given up the sniper gig.”

There was a long sigh. “I have. But Edgerton was hunting down a fugitive in Idaho and so they sent me instead.”

“Bullshit,” Don growled. “Danielson said you requested to come. Why?”

“To see me,” Charlie said as he stepped into the kitchen. “Seeley and I are friends. We have been for years.”

Don looked at his brother and shook his head. “How would you and Booth even have met?”

“On a mission,” Seeley told him. “But I can’t tell you more than that.”

“We crossed paths several times when I worked for the NSA,” Charlie explained. He took a deep breath and continued, “And he saved my life. How many times has it been now, Seeley? Four?”

Seeley nodded. “If you count Peru, yeah.”

“I definitely count Peru,” Charlie huffed.

“When were you in Peru?” Don asked with confusion. “And what the hell do you mean you met on a mission? I thought you were just doing analysis for the NSA.”

“I was,” Charlie said. “But sometimes that analysis had to be on site, just like sometimes I have to go to crime scenes with you.”

Don scowled at his brother. “Does Dad know?”

Charlie shook his head. “No. But I’m going to tell him. I’m also going to tell him that there’s nothing between Amita and me. I know he’s been really hopeful that something would eventually develop there, but... I’m gay.”

Don stared at him for a long minute and then sighed. “It’s about time you told us.”

Charlie frowned in confusion. “You knew?”

Don shrugged. “We suspected, but you never... you had that crush on what’s her name. And Mom...she said that we just had to let you figure it out for yourself and tell us when you were ready. I’m pretty sure even she didn’t dream it would take you until you were thirty.”

“I’ve known since Princeton,” Charlie said defensively. “I just... I wasn’t ready to share.”

“And the NSA stuff?” Don asked, his anger on that subject not completely gone. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me about that? You could have been hurt or killed!”

“I didn’t...” Charlie sighed and looked to Seeley. The older man nodded his encouragement even as he continued to cook eggs. “Some of it I couldn’t tell you. Some of it I didn’t want to tell you because you and Dad would worry. And some of it...Some of it, I wanted to pretend never happened.”

Don sighed again. “This mission where you met? Tell me how Booth saved you.”

“There’s a lot of stuff I can’t tell you,” Charlie said.

“I can tell you that Charlie was kidnapped and being held prisoner by a terrorist,” Seeley said. “He was in captivity for 46 hours before we were able to rescue him.”

“Nothing bad happened,” Charlie said. “I mean, yeah bad stuff happened, but... they didn’t torture me or... or rape me... or anything. Mostly they threatened me. A lot. But then Seeley and his team were there.”

“And then we got cut off from the rest of the team,” Seeley said. 

“And Seeley got us to a cave, where we hid out for three days before he got us to the extraction point,” Charlie said. “We’ve been close ever since.”

“You knew my brother before you knew me,” Don stated to Seeley. The other agent just shrugged. Don turned back to Charlie. “God, Charlie, you just... you can’t go back to work for them. It’ll kill Dad and me if anything happened to you.”

Charlie shook his head. “I’m out of that business. I made it clear to them the last time they came knocking. Peru... Yeah, I can’t give you anything about that, but it was more than I want to ever remember.”

Seeley, who had finished cooking for everyone while the brothers talked, took the opportunity to change the subject and get everyone to sit down to eat. A few minutes later, Alan joined them. 

3B3B3B3

Alan took the news better than Don had, but he was Charlie’s father and knew that his son had gone through some things that had changed him. And if he hadn’t picked up on it himself, his wife had pointed out a few things before she passed away. 

When the whole story came out, he looked between Seeley and Charlie and nodded. “You thinking about taking that position that American University has been shoving at you for the past few years?”

Charlie was surprised, but managed not to choke on his coffee. “I might have thought about seeing what they’d be willing to offer. Maybe start with a one year contract and see if its a good fit.”

Alan nodded. “Smart.” He turned to Seeley then. “You love my boy?”

Seeley’s eyes got wide and he stammered for a minute before saying, “Um, I think that’s between me and Charlie.”

“Right, sure,” Alan agreed. “But just so you know, I may be a pacifist, but I’m willing to do what it takes to make sure my boys aren’t hurt.”

“Yes, sir,” Seeley agreed.

Don, who had been following along with confusion, finally said, “Wait, you and Charlie?”

Alan actually rolled his eyes. “Don, they spent three days in a cave together. What did you think happened? They played parcheesi?”

Charlie and Seeley actually laughed at Don’s discomfort, despite their own embarrassment at being called out on what they had thought at the time was a one time thing.

“Um, it wasn’t tawdry,” Charlie defended.

“I don’t want or need details,” Don quickly objected. “Just... if you decide to move to DC, I want you to promise that you won’t spend years avoiding coming home. We’re just starting to get to know each other for real.”

“I promise,” Charlie vowed.

“And you have to tell Amita,” Alan said. “You are not leaving here and leaving it for me to tell her.”

Charlie’s eyes got wide. “But... but...”

“Hey, maybe you could get Larry to tell her,” Don teased.

“You have time,” Alan said. “The semester doesn’t end for a couple months, and you don’t have a contract with American yet.”

“Just don’t put it off until the day you leave,” Don advised and then laughed at Charlie’s expense.

3B3B3B3

“You’re serious about coming to DC?” Seeley asked when they were alone in the garden again, after Alan and Don had shooed them out the door so they could clean up the breakfast dishes.

“Yeah,” Charlie admitted. “But only if you’re serious about wanting me to come.”

“I’m deadly serious,” Seeley told him. “Hell, if it wasn’t for Parker, I would have made the move out here to be with you when your mom got sick. I love you, Charlie. I have for almost a decade. I was willing to settle for the fleeting moments we could steal as long as circumstances kept us apart, but do I want more? Hell yeah.”

“Good,” Charlie said. “Because I wouldn’t let myself want more before, but now... Now I want everything. Think we can make that work?”

“I know we can, Einstein,” Seeley said. “Bones is going to love you, you know.”

“She’s smart and logical,” Charlie said. “Of course she’s going to love me.”

Seeley pulled the younger man into his arms and kissed him thoroughly. When they eventually broke for air. Charlie paused for a moment to gather his wits.

“Do you think we can talk Don into buying the house from me? I’m suddenly interested in investing in real estate in DC.”


End file.
